he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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