Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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