i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
