walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
