A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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