Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
