we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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