I just googled if crying burns calories
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
