went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
