he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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