She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
