A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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