I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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