Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
