He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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