That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You had me at "let me see your balls"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
