i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
