i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We smell like vodka and hangover
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