Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
