You really coming over, don't trick.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
