She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just high enough for therapy.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
