Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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