I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
