Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
