Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
