Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
