If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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