you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
