My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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