When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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