can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
