Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize