This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize