so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Randomize
