well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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