The maid of honor just puked.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize