i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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