I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
be right there i have to get my cape
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
