Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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