Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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