He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Randomize
