Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
