my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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