OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
