I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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