I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
