Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
