I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
