We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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