somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
