If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
