If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
