I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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