I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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