You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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