I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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