Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
