i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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