im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
