She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
