There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Is Oprah even human
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
