Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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